If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize