dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
