I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
