How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
