how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
