i just had sex bonerless
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
