Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
