Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
