Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
