his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
