we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
