My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
