hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Acid is not a monday night drug
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He felt like a one man threesome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
