Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
