When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
