Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
