woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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