You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
