There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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