i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
