Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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