May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
