the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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