Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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