He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
