I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
