Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
