When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
