I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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