I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
