Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
