found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So vagazzling was a success
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
