We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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