tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
