The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
