She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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