i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
