Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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