Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
