i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
