watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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