Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
pop tarts are not kleenex
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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