If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
