I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Randomize
