evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I look better un-naked...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
