it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
