there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
