Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize