I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
