no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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